Alter Ego... 

Re: Issue 4

So I had dinner tonight with my special friend GMA. This dinner was initiated by him earlier in the week to discuss an e-mail I had sent him. Pretty much, I told him to never contact me again because I felt he was inconsiderate, flaky and just full of BS.

My email was prompted by:

Not returning phone calls >14 days
Not following-up on plans to got out that HE made
Not even calling me on the holiday
Leaving me a lame “We should do lunch” voicemail

His response to this e-mail was entirely unexpected. He wanted to meet to “clear the air” and assure me that I was foremost in his “thoughts and in his heart.” If he “lost” me it “would be the end of him.” "This is not business- this is romance."

OK.

Of course after reading this my BF and I have:

Picked bridesmaids dresses
Picked a venue for the wedding
Created an attendee list
Named the kids

Back to tonight’s dinner.

We had a great dinner- with our normal work/life/kids (he has 1) dialogue. Meanwhile, I am waiting for him to talk about the real reason we met. I figure this must be important to him because he looks terrible- and he admits he has had a bug that he is finally starting to get over. Great. Now I KNOW we are not sleeping together tonight. Damn.

Finally we leave and he walks me to my car and decides to have the “discussion” outside of my car in the 23 degree weather.

I think I need to cancel the wedding plans.

In a nutshell:

He is not ready for a relationship.
He wants to make sure we can remain friends.
He thinks I’m “great” and would want to make sure we could always be friends.
He’s having a party at his house on the 23rd- please bring my girlfriends.

This is what I wore my favorite La Perla for?

Why didn’t he just respond to this in e-mail? Is it because it could be misconstrued? Because I know from his e-mail response I was expecting him to talk about our relationship progressing, not wanting to make sure we stay “friends.”

Meanwhile, I said none of this to him. Just agreed and said “that makes sense.” I’m an idiot.

My List of Issues

I am a newbie to the blog world- both as a writer and a reader.

However, my therapist (aka BF) suggested this would be a cathartic process to help me through some of my “issues.”

So- here are my “issues” that will create the path for this journey:

As mentioned, I am a young divorcee. I got married at 24, separated at 26, and FINALLY divorced at 30. Oh, you didn’t know? When you meet someone- PLEASE make sure to ask them if they are married even if you don’t see a ring. Divorces are expensive! But when I found out my ex’s first BM could attach my wages for his back child support, a sister got divorced real quick…

My son is six years old in Catholic school. No, I am not Catholic. His first year, his teacher must have told me to get him tested for ADD a million times until I told her that it seemed really weird to me that EVERY mother of a black male child in her class was told that same thing. Suffice to say this year we have a black teacher. Haven’t heard about ADD once. But please note that I am well aware that my child has serious issues with listening and focusing. He’s six. AND he is an only child and only grandchild. So yes, he’s spoiled to the core and thinks he’s my husband.

My son’s father lives in another state and they do not have a relationship. He wouldn’t know him if he saw him on the street. Currently, he is over $10K in arrears in child support. Which, and please don’t slap me, I asked them to set at an amount BELOW the minimum because he has other kids to pay for.

Single? Currently I am enamored with a gorgeous Mexican/Caribbean artist. While we are together- it’s great. But it seems “out of sight out of mind.” I have no idea where this is going. I don’t help the situation because I have intimacy issues wrapped around a stifling fear of falling in love again. I don’t have time for that. Right? But did I already mention he is fine? Damn.

I’m not an angel. In my line of work I come across a lot of good looking men. Models. Athletes. Entertainers. For some reason brothers married to white women seem to really have a thing for me. Or maybe it is just that 80% of black athletes, models and entertainers seem to be married to white women? Thus, statistically, most of them would fall into that category. Hmm. Could it be the 100% natural DD’s? Maybe. I’ve only indulged once. Maybe twice. That’s a whole different post.

The company I work for just got acquired by another company. So job security = zero. Actually, there are supposed to be lay-offs tomorrow. I’ve made the cut so far, but not so sure what the future holds. I do know I will lose a lot of “friends” without the discount, free tickets, and night-out money. My mother will probably have a heart attack.

I almost forgot to mention that I have decided to date females next year. I figure it can’t hurt and it doubles my dating pool. I’ve only had a few other female experiences, which I enjoyed. So perhaps “dating” is not really the word I’m looking for.

I have a circle of a few tight friends that I love dearly. They are my own personal Rainbow Coalition. I think the secret to our friendships lay that I have never “intermingled” my friends. They all serve their own unique purposes. My best friend is so beautiful she makes my eyes hurt. Of course we know there is more to that story…

Welcome!

While I know plenty of women like me, I feel like our story gets LOST! I live in the city, and I'm a divorced single mother. But don't get lost in the stereotypes. I have a couple degrees, make a six figure salary and I'm not ugly :). However, I want to keep this as real as possible, so anonymity is key...

I plan to post more specifics this evening, so please stay tuned!